Her name was Maria. She was the reason I had a breakdown in Carson City
and spent a week in the hospital. I had been working at Southwest Gas
for a while. One day the boss, a woman, we respected each other's talents,
demoted and promoted me. I had been making drawings of new projects for
4 months and they hired a new temp and he replaced me and I moved to
the project that was just initiated to catch up on all the back work
drawing regular new gas line installations. The boss put me in charge
I got to know all of Northern Nevada, including little Fallon.
One of the new hires for the project was a cute 33 year old Maria.
She had a young daughter and son. She was estranged from here husband
and left New Jersey and went to Carson City. We started doing lunch together
This was shortly before I met wacky Lorraine. We'd sit in her nice SUV
and eat lunch, which we usually bought at nearby Port O' Subs. Here husband
was a big shot politician in New Jersey. Maria went to the Church of
the Nazarene and we talked religion. She wanted me to start going to her
church, including Bible Study, midweek. I told her I couldn't. We got
really close. One day about two months after she started she left
and went back to New Jersey and her husband. I cracked up. Funny how
those things happen, isn't it.
........GONE
This is the start of a page I was going to do.
That's the Sundial Bridge in Redding. Me and Redding have some
history. Over the years. I guess it's okay to envy. I have little
choice. Bad things have happened to me. Lydia leaving was a big one.
18 years ago. But we had a terrible marriage, despite the good times
we had. I suppose we were both to blame. For various reasons.
But I wanted marriage and Lydia. Oh well. It's back to the road
next week. Cyndy is my boss at Gresham. She just emailed she won't
be in tomorrow, I should get the key from the desk. I won't get to
let her know I have to quit, face to face. Better, I suppose.
I like her and she likes me. I'm scheduled Friday, but it's Payday
and lots to do. So I will email her after lab tomorrow. :( I don't
like letting her down. But I must.
I don't relish seeing Holly again, but she has to sign the Home Care
voucher, so I get my pay. Probably going to mail her the voucher
and ask her to have someone at the Senior Center fax it to
Aging and Disability. Going to be wrapping things up before I go.
So many things to do. Unbelievable. I made roots here, again, something
I imagined I would never do. Happy Wednesday. Big day? I decided
to do Redding... and back and leave for good a week later.
And I decided to go laptop! So if you want you can send
the AutoCAD-Lite. Going to use my present sleeping bag, wouldn't need
the good one in Vegas, anyway. And topping my bag off with a good
blanket will work in Weaverville/Hayfork. I can get a wool one free
here in Portland at the Mission. A gal here at Belmont gave me a nice
pair of shorts. Just in time, my trunks I swim in are a rag.
Humboldt is nice country. There is so much nice country.
And Betty Chinn, who gave me the ticket to Portland is very
nice. Unfortunately she is connected to a religion and that's
partly what motivates her philanthropy.
Mike asks, "Are you walking? What is your travel itinerary?"
Hi Mike. I wrote up a story this morning all about my imminent
venture. 30-day notice to Metro yesterday. I have the apartment
until the 27th of October, but I plan to leave, probably Monday
or Tuesday. I was planning to hitchhike to Arcata and work my way
East through Willow Creek and on to Weaverville and Redding.
I waited until Payday, so I'm probably going to book a GH ticket
to Redding. Won't cost too much. Spend some time in Redding,
before taking Trinity Transit to Weaverville. I want to check
in with the Lorenz, a 1920 built apartment house. Look at
the rooms and think about renting, maybe. And sign up for the CA
version of food stamps and medical and get my sorry teeth pulled
go out to Weaverville and chum with everyone there. And visit
Hayfork. I like it there, really out of the way. The Senior Center
people are really nice. So is the congregation, but I'm not sure
I want to do that. I could, though, I mean they are really nice.
Not real judgemental.
I was there before coming to Portland.
Did a couple meetings in the tiny KH. I was staying at the
Fairgrounds campground and RV park in my Ford. A group drove out
to see if I was alright and if I needed anything. I was okay,
back then everyone you meet in the morning in Hayfork says
"Good morning" to you. The Senior Center has one computer.
A good one. No one uses it. All computer illiterate and don't care.
there is a library, but it's not open very much. They recently
opened a reportedly nice lodge/motel, just out of town, only place
for travelers to stay. Unhappily they closed Irene's, a nice cafe.
barring any stay incentives that may materialize, I plan to hit
North County for a couple week stay and then go back to Vegas.
Yes, Vegas. Stay the winter. Leave on the Amtrak out of Redding.
It may be November, before I get to Vegas. Maybe not. That's kinda
my plans.
Mike asks, "Are you giving up four walls for the sky?"
Love the sky. No, maybe temporarily. Am hitting the road, however.
Portland is not good for me. It's nice, but has too many temptations.
And paths that lead to no where. So I am doing only what makes sense.
For me and my health, mental and physical. My things? I will be more
careful. Going to hit Weaverville, again, for a while. Going to ask
Rick to watch what little I will take, should have done last time.
Going to check on a nice apartment in Redding, where I am on a sort
of list. The manager likes me. And just today I got thinking about
Battleground. Washington, small town. With a Senior Center.
Must leave Portland. Also in CA I can get Medical and get my teeth fixed.
Been taking a pain killer constantly. Pain is much less, but my teeth
still hurt.
Also, the Willamette folks have been pressuring me.
To study, attend meetings, preach. Pray. Can't take it. Can't perform
and in a kind of Catch-22. Life-long problem. And the friends I make,
the "worldy" ones force me to be something I'm not. Another aspect
of the "Lonely Road". I'm buying a nice warm, warmer sleeping bag
Friday. With a hood. An essential part of a warm bag. Like the one
the Durkees gave me. That bag was a tad small for me. The one I'm
getting Friday fits perfectly. I'll be all set up. I'll never be able
to resolve the JW situation, so I think I am finally learning to "deal"
with it. To not kick myself, and instead be happy and look for peace.
Something that will also make me more healthy physically. Yes emotions
do affect your physical health.
He'd like to return to Eureka. He got six hours sleep last night. Phone's dead, so
he cannot communicate with Mike or Jon. He's going to Ace and Borrow. He's
going to 24 to exercise and swim. He'll walk to one of the three Senior Centers
and work on web pages and the frog. He's excited and a bit touched. He's Bill.
He's Bill. He's Bill. It's a big day, it may be a turning point. A milestone. 09/July/2015.
The anniversary of his baptism. As a Jehovah's Witness, 54 years ago. A time long
and forgotten.
He's growing the beard back. Leslie and Dr. Erde is failing him. Mike's not sure
he wants to loan his brother money. Things could be worse. Burnie's sick.
Jon doesn't care. Bill's back in Portland. He wants Aubrie! His camp is good,
maybe the only thing good, right now. He wants to offer Casa Diablo a stripper
schedule to replace their lousy one. And he wants to offer the cool mobile he did
to Hot Bikini Brew on the Eastside. Things are cool and not so cool. What's going
to break? What's going to happen? Where will Bill be tomorrow, and the next day?
Portland? Redding? Oceanside? Las Vegas? Salt Lake? Missoula? Seattle?
Weaverville? Willow Creek? He needs to be somewhere safe. He will be safe.
He will be cool. He's Bill.
Today he's going to attempt to get the money together for the Metro. If that fails, it's
splitsville. Where? There are choices. He'd like to get a room at the Lorenz in
Redding. But he missed the cut-off to complete the qualification process. He could
move in with Don and re-apply to the Lorenz. He'd like to take the Greyhound to
Bend and hitchhike to Salt Lake along the 20. Stay a week at a hostel to catch his
breath and continue to Vegas or Missoula or Cheyenne. Or stay.
He'd like to ride Amtrak to San Diego. Play it cool awhile. Hitting all the spots.
Chum with Malcolm a little. Then head back to Vegas. See Aubrie. And Pinkie.
Borrow money. See Dennis and Audie. The Guys. Get back to meetings with the
Horizon congregation. See Burnie. Move into the Sportsmans. Resume the Vegas
life. He'd like to take a Bolt to Seattle. Explore. Stay at a hostel. Then go East.
He and Holly will never work out. And Holly wants it bad. And Bill wants it not,
equally bad. And it's frustrating.
10, Bill ratchets the bicycle at 24-Hour up to Level 10. Days later his watch light
goes out, Cricket service is suspended. Tripod comes due and doesn't get paid.
Spotify will go off shortly. He's dangerously close to being short the $850 for the
Metro. Bill's considering other options. Other places. He calls on prayer.com.
They're there for Bill. His Walkabout may not be finished.
I started in North Portland. That's where I am today.
Getting pills for my teeth. I met Paul Plew and Teresa
at the convention in '08. They shared their peanut butter
sandwiches and juice at break. I sat in their row. They
took me to pizza, after the sessions and Paul drove me
45 miles to Mollala, South of Portland to pick up my Ford.
He gave me five for gas, the tank was empty. A week
later, when he decided I was safe and I was going to meetings, he
put me up in the nice bed in the attack. It was hot up there, July,
but it was great. I left Reno March 12th. The convention was 4th
of July weekend. I had been in Oregon a week and a half. Two
days in Grants Pass on the way up, almost stayed, and a week in
a motel in Tigard, Southern Portland suburb. Ran out of money and
drove down to Mollala, ran out of gas, parked truck. Slept in the bed
that night and hitchhiked to the convention in Portland the next day.
That was Friday. Took the MAX to Gresham illegally, no ticket, slept
in a park, next day, Saturday, convention and the Plews.
Bill was rewarded today. He chose the old MAX car over the new and the car
was empty and he sat in the best seat, with lots of leg room. On the shaded
side. 2:15 and the sun out and bright. For years he avoided the old MAX cars,
because he had to climb the steps to get inside. 35 pounds lighter, it's now
a snap. Bill was also rewarded with a near packed computer lab today at
the Gresham Government Building, where he is "the man", keeping the door open,
telling everyone the password and answering questions, some easy, some
requiring research. Everyone enjoyed their stay. Fair computers, comfortable
seats and air conditioning. And possibly printing in the future. Bill will be back in
Portland 4 months, soon. It's still difficult. To be comfortable. Some of the old
problems still exist, reasons why he left a year ago. But some new conditions
and insight have emerged. And he has a year gone and option to leave, again to
fortify him. No lease at the Metropolitan, too.
The water is bubbly and hot. Bill relaxes in the Jacuzzi at the Hollywood 24 Hour
Fitness. He thinks about being back in Portland and stares out the windows
stretching across the East wall of the pool room. The sky is cloudy, typical
Portland. It's 6 in the morning. Bill's come from his new digs on 21st and Everett,
West side of the River on the 77. It picked him up at the stop at 5:21AM. Several
laps of back strokes, until his arms hurt in the center lane and 20 minutes in
the Jacuzzi. He catches a 77 Westbound to Downtown to catch a 44
to Holly's. Where he plans to eat oatmeal and maybe watch one of 3 movies he's
borrowed from the Hillsdale Library. He hasn't seen Holly in several days, it will be
a reunion. Bill's considering hitchhiking to Eureka sooner than he planned.
He misses Humboldt County and the whole Highway 299 stretch, from Arcata
to Redding. Monday, the 3rd will be Payday. He plans to intersect with Malcolm,
who will be Northbound on the 6th, in Redding. Join him for the last part of his trip
to Portland and Oregon.
Bill makes an unexpected stop at Blanchet House. He walks in the wrong door
and is forgiven and handed a fork wrapped in a napkin and granted a seat anywhere.
Classical music plays from overhead. A girl with a red apron on follows him to a table
with a plate of hotcakes, apple slices in cinnamon and half a bagel. Coffee is at
the table. The old stools and tables are gone in the new building, but replaced with
new ones in the same style. Bill feels at home. After breakfast a server comes over
and takes his empty plate and tells Bill to enjoy his coffee. It's Portland, Oregon,
Pacific Northwest.
Las Vegas! Bill went to Vegas. He flew. From Portland. He'd been
there 4 times before. The first time with his father in 1964 at age 13.
His father delivered eggs, milk and ice cream in a huge tractor trailer
truck to a market.
The second instance was in 1998. Bill was 47 and
in love with Ruthann Fatino, he wasn't going to the Kingdom Hall
with his mom in Victorville, broke and hopeless. He was parked in
his motor home next to his mom's. Social Security dropped him from
the roles, because he refused to take Risperdal. Bill was at a deadend.
He hitchhiked, reaching Vegas, with a plan to reach Montana.
He returned home, instead.
Time 3 was a visit to interview for a job. It was on a Friday. He got the
job, and reported for work Monday. Time 4 was a drive through,
en-route Fallon. He was back to work at SMI and he picked up Mom's
Dodge and going to sell it to Jeri.
He returned to Vegas, after an absence of 12 years. He left Portland.
The idea was to stay 2 weeks and continue to Cheyenne. Wyoming.
He stayed months, instead. Rented an apartment, did Senior Centers,
resurrected his 16 year old library card, got a doctor, watched tons
of movies at the Station Casinos' theaters and Tropicana Cinema,
borrowed money, became a Las Vegas person, and discovered Aubrie.
I was on top of the world in 1998. I like it there. I was literally on
top in Mammoth, elevation, 7700+ feet above sea level. I've been on top
of the world many times. Whenever I land a new job. The night I first
saw Lydia. The day I was acknowledged top draftsman in Mr Chard's Long
Beach Poly High School class. The day I returned to Kelly's, after
2 months in Beaumont, and he told me I was driving. The days and months
Ruthann called me her friend.
Three girls, designers worked at Triad in Mammoth Lakes. The whole staff
was intrigued with me, Bill, new guy, but also could do mighty, time
saving tricks with the computer. Also schooled in AutoCAD. Karen was from
Tennessee. I loved her. She knew me and my talents and how valuable I was.
But she said one day I was making pretty good money, "The guys at the ski
lodge are only making $6/hour." I was happy, I wasn't bucking for more.
Denise, on the other hand, she was interested in testing and conquering
everyone in the office, from the day they first showed up on the job.
She thought she was great, she wasn't what she thought she was. But I liked
her, too. She told me to work harder, that I was good and could be a designer,
easy. And make twice what I was making
Her boyfriend had a wealthy family and was a surveyor at Triad, a good one.
He only worked when he wasn't climbing some mountain in Alaska, where he
liked to spend his time. I deleted most, if not all the AutoCAD command
buttons on my computer screen, I always liked to have as much drawing space,
as I could. And I was adept at using keyboard commands. Knew every one.
Denise comes over one day to explain something from a check print she handed
me and put the buttons back on MY computer. I was super disturbed and angry
inside, as she played with MY computer. She said, "Bill and his minimalist
ways." She and I had a love hate relationship. That afternoon, at lunch
I walked over to my therapist and explained what went down and decided to
take the afternoon off.
I went home and called Andy, the partner and boss I got along with. Triad
was run by three guys, Andy being the senior and son of a legendary Eastern
Sierra surveyor. The company's name was Triad/Holmes, Holmes being Andy's
name. I would have been able to stay on at Triad beyond the 6 month's had
it been up to Andy. But it was up to Dave. Who was jealous his wife, the
accountant of the company liked me. What a winter! Of '98/'99. I arrived
in Bishop destitute, heavy beard, barely clothed and wondering why life
was doing what it was doing to me. After close to a year in Victorville.
Got the job in Mammoth, went back for the RV and now I am back in Portland,
after a year of trying to get away. And getting all kinds of good things
happening here. Life isn't all bad.
The Ellipse
Bill was mesmerized by the story of curves, began half-way into his second
semester Calculus class at Fullerton College. One curve is the Ellipse.
Burnie's marketing project involves constructing concentric ellipses to illustrate the
power of "Word of mouth" and Networking. Bill drew ellipses in "Paint", but they
were fuzzy, jagged, and imprecise. He searched for online applications
to construct the ellipses and was only partially successful. The knowledge he
acquired in the Calculus class was revisited, as Bill researched the Ellipse.
He enlisted the help of Handycalc to determine ellipse coordinates.
He input the ellipse equation to an application to construct ellipses. He found no
site that would do concentric ellipses. Save Handycalc, but Handycalc graphing is
clumsy about getting it to work.
So Bill went to HTML/Canvas for the solution. It required effort to get Canvas
configured correctly. He still works to automate the ellipse generation via
a function. And to construct multiple, concentric ellipses. Then he recalled Excel
does magic and he programmed Excel to calculate coordinates. These could
be feed manually to Canvas. But it would be long-hand. A temporary and
primitive solution. Ideally Bill wants to create the generation in Canvas to be
flexable, to be able to tweak the ellipse's parameters, to optimize the end product.
That's the story.
Messages to Mike (Page 2 thru 6):
Happy Monday. Got a ride home from Meeting. Electrical Engineer, works in
Beaverton. Watched "High Noon" on YouTube, perfect picture. Town let Will
down. But he got the girl in the end! And a Quaker girl.
They play classical music at Blanchet House. To soothe the beast in us.
Receive a fork for my oats. Coffee, bagel and an orange. The table's
a bright perfect 4 x 4 square imitation wood. Brand new. Assigned Orange
3 today. The oats are flavored with brown sugar and cinnamon. There's just
enough to eat. Outside a vagabond sleeps in his bag close to the curb.
Another bag's rolled up near his head. In case it gets cold, I suppose.
2 friendly volunteers bus the tables. Guests eat and leave, making room
for others. A large pitcher of ice water sits in the center of the table.
Bill sits alone this morning. When the coffee pot goes empty, it is
promptly replaced with a full one. The dignity of all is honered at
Blanchet House.
You are correct. At St Francis Dinner I serve, and back in the day I mopped
the dining room floor after dinner. At Blanchet House you have to be in
their religious group. St Francis is more forgiving and open, it's Catholic.
Considering dishwashing at Elm Court, they need one badly. But they want
you to spend 4 hours. Not every day, however. Back in the day, when I was
a real JW, my middle name was volunteer. Then I was struck.
I taught her while I benefited from her kindness, staying with her between
jobs back when I was employable. It would be an impossibility to resurrect
Mom's emails, I'm afraid. I tried to teach her other things, it was hard.
Boy she could play the piano. And of course she was full of the "Truth".
I was chastised at the Assessor for returning 2 minutes late from break once.
Slave drivers. But I loved the work.
The friends at Willamette Park made me feel welcome. Small to medium group,
just under 100, Sunday attendance. Hall in nice residential neighborhood.
Met Rocky, Linda, saw Ed, Ed's wife, Cliff, his wife, others. Hido drove
me home. They overlooked the new whiskers. Enjoyed the Talk and WT.
Most religions have similar themes, but I'm thinking JW's have it right.
Talk was "Is it Nearer than You Think?"
Where did "New System" come from?
"The Westerner", 1940 Gary Cooper. Also Ward Bond. Dad loved Westerns.
Walter Brennan. They called them "sodbusters". The cattlemen.
Hido has a nice Jeep.
Butler Cinema Holly's trying
to entice me over with her movies. I started this page. "Come. Stay the night.
No need to hurry home."
"B Team"
I was wrong about Ward Bond in "The Westerner". Catch him in "My Darling
Clementine"! One of the brothers of Earp. He survives the "Shootout at the
OK Corral".
Text to Malcolm, part of a thread re Burnie:
Houston is near the Gulf Coast.
Big city. I was in Texas at my Uncle Bob's enroute the 1958 Convention with
Mom and Dad and Mikey. Mikey and I rode in the back seat, where Dad laid
plywood on the seat, so we had a place to sleep, too on our long 7 day trip
to and back, to New York. I remember swimming in the Gulf waters. It was
murky and rough. But we had fun. Everybody's houses there are brick to
withstand the winter storms.
Part of thread:
Burnie's moving to Houston, his 52 year old son lives there.
His son's going to help him with a car. He says he's spinning his wheels
in Vegas. He's feeling better, wants to get back into his ministry. He's
written a book. He preaches in prisons. He's an ex-con.
More:
I understand Amarillo is nice. High elevation, in the panhandle. Wind
and cold, though. I could do it easily. Almost did when I was in my big,
"What to do, where to go" period in Vegas.
Robert DeNero is 72 today, 8 years older than me. Burnie is 72.
More:
Burnie needs help. I don't think he's taking June, or his son Adam.
Adam is 22 and has Asperger's Syndrome. He works at Wal-Mart.
To Malcolm re Denny:
I'm one stop from IKEA. Denny, brother in Henderson,
they sent my bag to your place, he's not doing well. Audie told me he wants
to sleep all the time and won't go to the doctor. Thinking about seeing them.
He really liked me. We got along well. He paid my last ticket out of Vegas.
And put me up for a week before I left.
If everybody's giving, who will there be to take?
One day at SMI, during a lull, I was playing around with a program that hit
an upper limit of calculating and the computer started loudly buzzing. Lori,
one of my mentors, she was awesome, her cubilcle was at the extreme
North end of the office, she yells, "Bill's at it again." Lori adored me,
and I her. She appreaciated my skills and always recommended me for
any difficult task the office needed done. And I always performed. She had
a nice husband and two cute kids. Lived in a poorer section of Fallon.
Big poorer section in Fallon. Downtown.
The jobs LinkedIn sent me today:
SocialWellth
UI/UX Designer
Las Vegas
Exotics Racing
Graphic Designer
Las Vegas
JS Products, Inc.
UI/UX Designer - Relocation available
Las Vegas
US Air Force Reserve
Civil Engineer
Las Vegas
National Engineering
Drafter Designer / Revit
Phoenix
CyberCoders
Web Designer - JavaScript, HTML, CSS
San Francisco Bay Area
IBM
Web Designer
San Francisco Bay Area
MEDLINE INDUSTRIES
Web Designer Greater
Chicago Area
Clear Point Consultants
Web Designer
Greater Boston Area
Whole Foods Market
Web Designer
Austin, Texas Area
Mike, do you know Lithuanian? Playing chess online and an opponent replied
this: "pizda ti s ushami,a ne bill". I did a stupid thing and lost my queen.
He's rated 1410, me a mere 1079. Got flustered when I thought I had a good
move. Didn't. In chess, you must explore every possibility.
I was a terror on my blue goose neck handlebar Schwin. Portland is really
bike friendly. Must get another Specialized, or a Giant, or a Trek and pedal
Portland. I was on a bike in Carson City and Reno.
Here at St Francis the tables are round, they seat 7. There are 24 tables.
That means St Francis can serve dinner to 168 souls. It's hot outside today.
The unfortunate who use St Francis come in early to cool off and just rest.
One girl has her head on the table. Various bags of possessions around her
chair. Dinner is 15 minutes away. Always a humble but satisfying meal.
And seconds. Men read or talk among themselves or just hang and contemplate.
Or sit stunned from misfortune. The large coffee urn is empty. Bill finds
a seat at a table in the center and tries to be non-descript among his
fellows. As he continues to have trouble figuring out life, and his place
in it.
Hey Mike, happy Tuesday! Going to Portland's History Museum today, free
for residents. WWII exhibit. Portland's part. 60 million casualties in WWII.
Devastating. Holly doesn't like to hear it. But it happened.
I think "Back to the Future II" is my favorite. I'm about to be a home care
worker. Show Julie my SS card this morning. Back to work at 64.08 years young.
Give or take 0.02 years. My new "councilor" defined my web page creation
endeavors a "part-time" job. I've created for myself a part-time job.
Happy Thursday! You are on the cutting edge, Mike. How old, now is
the Suburban? Don't you wish you still had the Ford? Hope to get my license
back in September. I made $40 working for Holly yesterday. And going to get
another client, drive him around. Something for me to do. While I'm here,
back in good ole Portland. 79 today!
Where would we be without farmers. Did you know Ford was once friendly with
Hitler? They had similar visions. Hitler was more diabolical. Good ole Gene.
He had the Falcon, I had the Comet. In '70 I must have started working
for Mr Kelly, thanks to Don Day. No, I must have started my Mill career in '71.
I was still floundering in '70. I almost bought a Harley when I first arrived
in Portland, living in Paul Plew's attic. I'm still floundering. What would life
have turned out, if I didn't meet Paul Plew? I was going to stop here in Portland,
but he cemented the deal. Then Mom got ill, I gave up my Downtown room,
left, and returned. And, now I've returned, again.
Do you need a new business card? I'm experienced? And I need something
to keep my Spotify music account alive. Running short again.
Always knew you were a mathematiton and philosopher. May I quote you?
"The future is not ours to see." Alternate rendition. The present is sometimes
all too real. That's why I like the good parts of the past. And the Future can
be scary!
I'm a long way from Eureka.
She totes her keys in her jeans back pocket,
a key protrudes. She's got on sexy black shoes
and her bare back midriff is stunning! As she rests
her elbows on the counter at Starbucks and peers
out the window onto 9th. Her black leather jacket
is short, tight fitting and shines. Her long black
hair is messy. She's turned away and Bill snaps
a picture. A gorgeous specimen of a woman.
She turns. Her top, beneath the jacket is loose and
unbuttoned. She's stunning! She goes to pick up
her coffee. Gets it and walks out the door.
Bill's eyes follow her to 9th, where she crosses
the street and saunters to her silver, 4-door BMW.
Gets in and drives away.
2002
moz.com/beginners-guide-to-seo.
Starting to do some reading. $25/hour for changes post publishing,
I guess. You pick a number for the initial page. Once it's ready.
Also, goodkeywords.com should do something for us, maybe.
Making a folder in Gmail for the page. Put our correspondense
and reference stuff. I already have a folder called Mike, but
it's messages and stuff.
I have a folder for Burnie's work and one for what is now Click.
And quite a few other folders. Some I never get into. I have a folder
for web page developement. Referenses and software and stuff. Lots of
good stuff, I regularly use. You can be really organized and make
sub-folders.
Marie is the name of the manager at the Lorenz. The Lorenz is
an apartment building in Redding, across the street from the RABA
Transit Center, Redding bus system, and the Amtrak Station. I put my
name on the list when I first arrived. My name came up and Marie
called but I was scheduled to move into the Metropolitan. I set up
a meeting anyway, but didn't go when I was approved by Bristol Urban.
Marie called yesterday and asked if I was still interested. I said
yes, so she's going to keep me in mind. Redding is a nice place, not
far from Weaverville and the Lorenz was built in 1912, hardwood floors.
She told me there is a big fire in Hayfork, Hwy 36 closed now for
2 weeks. Lightning fire. The soot reached Redding.
2001
It's 6 PM. One of Portland's many sculptures from a bench in the park, where
I stop to write notes, before I forget the thoughts, on my way home after a good
workout at 24.
The Fujimoto Cube. Hillsdale Library may have me conduct an Origami class
with the Fujimoto Cube the lesson. Submitted the proposal at the urging of
the librarian I taught to fold it. I first went to her a week ago asking her to help
me find it online. I haven't folded it in maybe 20 years. That's when I was
annoying Lydia with my paper folding and knot tieing. I was also seriously out
of work and under a doctor's care.
He knows the coffee's hot, so he pours a little ice water in it. Ate breakfast at
the Blanchet House, oats, bagel, banana and coffee. I'm sitting in the cavernous,
marble walled lobby of Union Station. I love it here. There are, on any one night,
2000 homeless in Portland. They built a new Blanchet House, it's beautiful.
The old one still exists around the corner, closed. An old red brick building on
a corner. It rains in Portland. We would line up outside in the rain. The new place,
you line up inside in a neat rope divided maze. The servers are all very nice
teenagers. Two old guys clean the table space and replace the coffee cup for
the next diner. It's all very efficient. They have lunch and dinner, too. No meals
on Sunday. Going to see Mad Max today with Holly and son. Holly's going to buy
me coffee at the Square Starbucks before we go. Tickets at the Academy are $4.
This is where Holly lives and one of Portland's many Senior Centers. It helped
pull me out of major depression in '13. I got chummy with some of the other users
of the Center. Maybe a mistake. Maybe not. I also go a lot to Elm Court Downtown,
where fights break out and a lovely Center in Belmont. Which is, now my favorite.
I have yet to try the one in NW, where I am. Friendly House, it's called. On Thurman
and 26th. Must do. Oh, and Trinity Episcopalian serves lunch at 11:30, Wednesdays.
Trinity is 2 blocks away. Picked up a food bag there the other morning. The church
is on the National Historical Sites registry. Great old black stone building with a lovely
grass lawn courtyard.
I'd like to buy this place, and make it cool. I'd start with the garage door. Then raise
the right rail. Then...
Sometimes I get off the 44 at the Community Church on the hilltop and walk down
Capital a half mile to the Center.
2001
Here at the Hillsdale Starbuck's. Camp is half mile down the road
to the left. There are a number of 24 Hour Fitness up here.
I have been to 3. Two downtown and one in Beaverton. I use a few
of the machines for my arms and back. Trainer spent an hour with me.
I do backstrokes in the pool. Lap lanes at the Columbia are narrow,
Beaverton much better and Pearl, WIDE. The Pearl is in a beautiful
old cavernous brick building off the street. But I like Beaverton.
The lighting in the pool/Jakuzi/steam room area is just right
and the space is just right. And a fat old guy is usually there in
the morning in the Jakuzi. We shoot the breaze. But the Columbia
is nice, too. I can charge the phone easy there. And I am more
familiar with the machines there. It's convenient to get to. And the
girl at the desk in the morning is sweet. Down to 263, be at 260 soon.
Miss Humboldt. Asking Dennis and Audie to send the box to the new
digs. It has my P-coat. That I bought in November in SL. And other
things. Doing a web site for Malcolm's visit. Should be fun.
Malcolm's Portland Visit: CLICK ME.....
Bei...
Just put $150 down on my new digs. Guess I'm back. Was approved.
Got suspenders, no more tight feeling around my waist. But I get
this feeling my pants are coming down. Bought a pillow at Target.
All I need is a bed. Going to have to wait. Throwing a house warming.
Want to come?
Happy Wednesday(Hump Day). It's nice to have a pillow under your
head at night. Been using my shoe a long time. Bought it a week
ago at Target, but I stowed it behind the wall on the ramp up to
the pedestrian bridge over Powell, and just retrieved it the other
day. I left a bag full of good stuff in Redding at the City Hall in
a rose bed. Maybe it's still there. My suit coat Dennis and Audie
bought me is at the bottom. It's nice, light weight, fits and wool.
I parked it there for the day and left to Weaverville without picking
it up. A mile walk. Then I headed West out of Weaverville and not
East. I'm going to have a door key and a mailbox again. Going to
feel funny. 2081 NW Everett, Apt 108, Portland, OR, 97209.
Move-in set for Friday. Left phone charger at library and it's gone,
been out of touch. Been enjoying a new campsite, it's woodsy. Trying
to get a little help with the hefty deposit Bristol Urban wants.
Will know tomorrow or Wednesday. Considering going to Salt Lake,
where I know I can borrow money. Also considered North County, where
I can do same. But I think things will work out. May finaly be coming
to a halt and enjoying some rest from my traveling. Seeing my former
therapist second time tomorrow. She is good. Dr Erde didn't insist
I be medicated. Guess Dr Pinto in Vegas was right, I'm doing okay.
May be down to a 38 waist soon.
Bei...
Bill looks at her. She's looking at him. The barista at
Starbuck's is drop dead gorgeous. He gets up, walks over and
orders a refill. Bill's spent a contented night at his
Vista camp in a wet bag. He's ready for Saturday, 09, May,
2015. He plugs in his phone, attaches the head phones to his
bald head, downloads "Her", Avril Lavigne, turns her on and
writes. Writes his plan for the day, notes on web pages and
looks over his many papers of stories and sketches.
Bill is on track for Wednesday, but he thinks about Aubrie
in Vegas and a trip out there, before Wednesday. Then he
remembers asking Shannon to tell him no. And the advantages
of staying on track and leaving the chapter in Vegas behind.
Burne is getting annoying, Bill is ready to say good-bye.
Forever. Burne can find another way to his billions.
"What's the last straw?", Malcolm asks. Bill's got Craig
praying for him, the First Presbyterian Church, Dennis and
Audie rooting for him and Malcolm aggravating him, producing
electricity.
Half my present lifetime ago, I came to San Diego County.
I was in a low paying job in Orange County, living with wife
and three kids in a one bedroom apartment, spending three
hours on a bus to get to work, not attending meetings. All
that changed. We moved into a three bedroom condominium,
Lydia bought clothes, we bought furniture, the job paid
well, it was exciting times. We went back to the Kingdom
Hall immediately. One year and three months later things
changed again. I was part of a massive layoff and was out
of work three months. We were evicted from the condo, we
signed up for welfare, I was assigned a back-to-work
workshop and my schizophrenia came back and I developed
depression.
After the new job started for the County Assessor I was doing
better, while under doctor Winocur's care and taking Haldol.
But I stopped because I couldn't afford to lose the job by
taking off work to visit the doctor. So I slipped back into
paranoia and had to quit the job, after eight months. The boss
insisted I stay and work things out, but I couldn't. I knew
I was a goner for the time being. Shortly I managed to get
another job in Carlsbad, detailing beams and columns and
miscellaneous steel structures, like rail for gates. The boss,
Chang Ru was a task master and an ogre, but we got along, sort of.
And I explained my mental illness, which at first he said he
could tolerate. But his abuse was too much, he tormented
everyone in the office and I was the one who couldn't
tolerate it, and quit. After eight months.
San Diego proved to be a challenge. Then I went to work for Hughes
Industrial Products and thrived to the point of being
promoted to supervisor and told I would be hired permanently,
having worked there two and a half years as a temp. But my
father died and I shaved my head. The boss informed me
my job ended. Three months no work and I worked three
months at Escondido Metal Products detailing beams and
columns again.
Now entering Palomar College, Bill goes to Palomar for the
peace and a session on a PC, after a wet San Diego night
under the rain clouds in a soaked sleeping bag. Burnie's
got him calculating the profits, returns and incentives of
his "Plan". Seems as he's envisioned it, it needs work.
He's trying to devise a network marketing scheme where
everybody makes money, the tab is growing. Burnie's
project is mushrooming. Bill's in town and Malcolm hasn't
called. Better soon, before Bill's gone. Justin is
missing. Dennis and Audie are UPS'ing Bill's stuff from
Vegas to Malcolm's. That better arrive, too, before he
leaves.
Twenty years ago, where I'm sitting, at this moment, in a
booth in McDonald's Escondido Avenue and Vista Way, I was
stabbed in the back by a Joel Zammaron. He offer a
proposition of my drawing landscaping plans for him for
fifty dollars a pop, peanuts. I was broke, so I did it,
but it was like stabbing me. Now one Burnie is doing it to
me He's promising a remuneration, but it's pie in the sky.
And he doesn't let up, he's driven by greed. He doesn't
care if he rips me off in his pursuit of wealth for himself.
His scheme is suspect, big time. Looney Tune, what do I do?
Maybe, no phone, keep it text awhile. Fax, do what he wants
and see if the insistence lessens, or not. Maybe drop the
flake, and be happy. "Write it down" Tony Ray, Devorah,
Leslie.
"Dad, you don't have money for a tattoo." Bill's new
dragon tattoo blows Malcolm away.
Lydia was drinking heavily, the boys were doing drugs,
Wesley was propositioning every girl he came across, the
$22,000 was used up, a lot on expensive motel rooms. I
bought the 20' motor home. We were all in it. We could
have moved up, in time. But they left. My stipend was
reduced because Lydia was working and rejoined me. I
couldn't pay the space rent, Janet let me park by Mom's,
I climbed the Cajon Pass, not knowing if the aged RV
would do it, or give out before the top. I was alone,
abandoned and wondering what the future held. It was
euphoria reaching the summit and seeing a new land and
time not ended, but beginning anew with chapters ahead.
Now I'm on another one. In parts Northt again, in
familiar country. Perpetual motion!
Bill sets his reading glasses on his nose and examines
each end of the Milk Duds box for the easiest one to open.
He comes to the movies to see "El Machina", Come to find
out, Ava is one hot chick in skin. But Bill finds himself
waking up with his head drooping and fast asleep during
the large chunck of the movie. Less than what he expected.
And it knocks Coding. The end score is pretty good, he
may even add it to his Spotify playlist, which is building,
with the recent additions of "Long Way Home" and "Heel".
I love it after I've committed. No worries, no more study
of the choices. Just GO! Seems Bill's order of a ticket
on GH to Visalia went through. He may have booked two.
An error message appeared, after the online process was
supposedly complete. Malcolm works a lot, Bill may not say
good-bye, he leaves Sunday at 9:40AM. One more day of
North County. And it's North. To familiar and fun scenery
and pleasures. Bill is blessed. And now he has Millie to
pray with him. Care of the First Presbyterian Church,
Oceanside. Thanks to looney Donna at the Carlsbad Senior
Center. It's been a raucus 10 months since leaving Portland.
Due back soon, before the end of the month, less than a year.
Hi Shannon! Had a dry night. On this Saturday eating at
InterFaith. Plan a day in San Diego today. Still no
pictures?
Hi Shannon!
Lots of great stuff happening! One Craig at a church-online site is praying
for me, trying to get God into the action. What the heck, it's a cute notion
and may work as well as, say, Psychic Readings. There are a few nice guys
at Carlsbad Senior Center that play pool. Not bad players. I played with a new
guy, to me, Pat, today. plays well, we had fun, must have played 6 games.
These guys are cordial. "See ya bud.", was the remark from the guy I wouldn't
have expected it from, at the other table, on my way out. Sleeping/camping in
a different place. Less problematic, just as secure. Can't leave my stuff,
though. It's at camp 1. This place, I camped the first night I was here in March,
the last time. It is around the corner from Malcolm. Starbucks across the street.
Open field. Big enough I am unnoticed, in the center. In the dark, that is.
306 bus stop across Vista Way.
Burnie calls every day. He was ready to ask to borrow $50 from me. "After
paying the rent, I am left with ten bucks.", he tells me. He's creating new
documents to promote his scheme, daily. Now he says he'd like to get out of
Vegas, can't take the heat. He's 71. He wants to buy a house here and rent
out a room to me. What a guy.
I found someone to type for me. Name is Theo. Goes to Palomar College.
Has a religion school background, Bachelors' degree. 4 hours/month is okay
with him.
Hi Shannon,
My ticket to Redding is Wednesday. Have to set up a PO box to have
Greyhound send a refund on the ticket I got to Visalia. Looking forward to
hitting "the other California", as they call it up there. Shasta, Trinity, Humboldt,
Murdoc and other counties. Alturus was the town I had originally in mind upon
leaving Portland, but everywhere up there is great.
Shane did such a great job on the dragon. Going to email him, thanking him.
I have a couple hundred left for the month and I want a beer. I was down to
270lbs, last week. But been drinking a few and gaining. Have to resist going
back to Vegas, one last time and show Aubrie the dragon and her name on my
arm. Have to keep going straight. Tell me so. Rained last night, got a little
soaked and the phone wouldn't take a charge until it dried. I left it out in
my shoe.
Bill...
"Happy trails for Hobo Bill." Mike never calls his brother Bill, but he
did, today. Some foreboding? Some indication their relationship
changed? Irretrievably? Both raised JW's, care of Mom and Brother
and Sister Mercante and the countless friends and Kingdom Halls
that followed. Bill struggles with his relationship with the indoctrination
that he inherited. To this day. Coming out of adolescence, Bill's
thinking, ambitions and direction matured, leading him to question things
and to a place, where he assumed command of his mind and body, for
good and for bad. His decision to be baptized a JW was his, but not
entirely completely informed.
Now he's strapped to the destiny the act initiated and perpetuates.
The Mormons tried to get him baptized a Mormon. Which they promised
would grant him, instantly Holy Spirit and a blessed life with peace and
contentment. Nice, but he learned their doctrine, and doesn't buy it.
So, Bill is still in the cold, being badgered by people, things, ideals and
enticements every day, that constitutes a life, beyond his pleasure.
2000
Hi Craig, thanks for keeping this going. I know Beaverton and heard of Walla Walla
and Stevenson. I like Washington. Been to Seattle. Would like to live there. And I go
to Vancouver once in a while. Just over the Columbia from Portland. I do like Portland,
was here 7 years. Working on getting a place here. The Archive needs work. I dated
things in the beginning, then I numbered them. When I started writing in 1988, I called
the thing "Family Times". There was a wife and 3 kids in my life. Back then I had
trouble getting to the Kingdom Hall, too. Yes JW's are intent on putting hours in their
mania to convince people of their beliefs. Of impending Armaggedon and all that stuff.
It seems to have started with Pastor Russell, C. T. Russell and his interpretation of the
Bible and his passion to establish a new church. Maybe in that era, late 1800's that
sort of thing was in vogue. It has lasted. And they knocked on my mom's door in 1954.
Today being Sunday I will be going to the Kingdom Hall on Powell and suffer through
the experience. I like the sermons, but don't fit in because of not participating in the
requisit proselitizing. So I get regarded as not fully fledged and an outsider. But the
connection to the group is so ingrained in me. Damed if I do, damned if I don't.
Thank you for working with me.
My brother Mike, the real JW of us two warned me of doing things with Holly. Here I am
in her house. He calls her a woman of a foreign tribe. But I like people. And the JW
connection has taught me to be in fear of anyone not a JW, and I don't like that.
On the other hand I know what mixing with the enemy does. But I have to live and
have an existance. Since I am cast out by the JW, I have no choice. And people can
be good. Devorah counceled me to get out of things, things for me. Whether it be
parts of JW's and not the whole thing, or parts of other things. So I am here availing
myself of her kindness. But it's not entirely altruistic. She wants me in her life more
securely and intimately. But since she can't see the JW thoughts and ways, it won't
work out and so I ultimately will disappoint her. But I too need companionship and
I am reduced to getting it from her and anyone who will give it to me. That's why
I go to church, too. I don't need to isolate myself. That leads to the depression too,
and thoughts of suicide.
Holly and I saw Farenheit 451 at the Laurelhurst. I had a beer. It was hot when we
stepped out on Burnside. I took off my outer shirt. Didn't know what to do with it.
Holly took it and held it for me. After lunch 2 years ago at the Senior Center, she
said we should exchange numbers. We did. We went together yesterday to pick up
my sleeping bag from my exquisit camp site in the pines off the freeway exit.
She said she doesn't want me sleeping outside. But I will be back there. Something
should break this week. I love Portland. Portland loves me.
Hi Shannon,
I think your big "GOOD LUCK!" is responsible for my recent successes. Or there
was nowhere to go, but up. Got a free GH ticket to Portland in Eureka, but had
to hike 6 miles to the depot in Arcata. It was all good. Walked through the evening.
Slept in the pines off the highway and continued on, getting to the station before
the 9:35 departure. 6 miles isn't long. What slowed me down was my 2 backpacks
and a still healing pulled calf muscle.
What's worse is negotiating all the money I'm going to spend today. Going to look
up the Midland Library, where they were going to make me volunteer computer lab
assistant, last year. I would have become a member of the Humboldt clan, if Holly
hadn't help me get here. Which would have been fine, Payday. Been to Cedar City?
During my residence in Eureka, one morning, I crawled out of my bag, packed up,
made sure I wasn't seen, so I could return at the end of the day and started walking
down 2nd to Target. A guy of aveage height with a big black garbage bag, full,
came out of the trees to the left down the short side street. He lossed the bag on
top of a pile of other black bags, came up to me saying he cleans up after the
homeless camps, joined me and regarded me as a fellow homeless vagabond.
Asking me if I knew what happened to Jerry and if I remembered the incident 2 years
ago. Then he asked me if I knew who he was. He tells me the story of Nick Nolte's
illegitamate son. Him. Looks like Nick Nolte. Nolte doesn't want anything to do with
him. He says he had to leave me, "Gotta go fishin' for food in the dumpsters, no
choice." And he heads for one to the left, down another short road. I continued on,
having met a celebrity living in Eureka.
I texted Burnie and he called. He is upset I seem to be running away from help and
stability, his words. I like your take better, "Free Spirit". Talked to a crisis counselor
on the phone for an hour, here in Eureka, and she understands. Her name is Ann.
Says it's my schizophrenia. Which seems to be triggered by lose. I haven't cried in
a very long time, but I did, when I started talking about my dad leaving at age 14 and
how I tried to rejoin him. She said I have experienced more hard times than most with
schizophrenia, but I seem to manage to either stay on my feet or get back up quickly.
She assured me meds were available at the clinic, should I need them before moving
on to Portland.
How are you and how is Henderson, Boulder and Sin City?
Bill...
He just wanted my tarp. He was quiet about it. Bill lay 10 feet away. It was 11. He heard
the smallest of noise. He lay still. He woke the next morning to discover a thief laid his
2 shirts neatly on the fallen tree branch and had taken the tarp, that previously lay
below them on the ground. The homeless rip off the homeless in Homboldt, too.
There a NUMBER of homeless in Eureka
Her name was Kim. I wasn't going to let the depression, schyzophrenia and Family
troubles do me in. The name of the game was resiliancy. I kept writing. I called it a
Newsletter, sent it to a mailing list. I was going to school at Palomar, too. Out of work
a long time. Family badgering me about the dismal financial world we lived in. Kim
responded to an ad I put up on the boards for typing. She typed for me for a long time.
We worked well together. She was mid-twenties, married and pregnant. I dished Lydia
once and she said she couldn't type that. So I mellowed. She also typed my book,
"101 Routines, How to Code Autolisp". It was fun and it was a good book. Didn't get
it published. But gave Jon Mehnert a copy, my Architecture/CAD instructor. Kim and
I did a super job on it. Wish I still had it. Kim trusted me with her new-born, we'd meet
at Nordstrom's in the Mall and I'd watch the baby, while she went for coffee. I miss her
and those days. Not the terror part, of course. Lydia was an abuser and a drunk.
She was also the nicest person you'ld meet, otherwise. Lydia. But I knew her like no
one else.
Sometimes camping, in a not totally secure place, it is hard to sleep.
Last night I slept a lot. A little town in Northern California. I love it there.
Not so many people, and everyone says good morning in the morning.
I was in an open field off the old highway some, and I felt safe. Thus
the good long sleep. I had apartments in Vegas and Portland, but felt
lonely. I feel better here. Lots better. But I am afraid to get a place.
Had a motor home I lived in, once. That felt good. Guess I am a rugged
kind. I couldn't find work, I was 50 and had to choose between selling
the motor home and my truck. Kept the truck. I could use another
motor home, now. With a steady income from the government.
My brother was ready to loan me money for one in September, last
year, but he backed out. Should get some good sleep tonight. Bill...
Hi Craig. It is going to rain tonight. Here is a problem. I need help
understanding where I am at. Should I continue going to Kingdom Halls
and getting depressed? What are my choices? What do I believe?
If I was honest. Why am I afraid? Can you help me?
Thx Craig. Coincidentally I was just this moment contemplating a feeling
I would like to enhance. I tried, momentarily to get a handle on it.
I thought of the phrase "Wise up". Lying in bed in a motel the churches
here in Weaverville financed for me for the night. They have a fund to
put travelers up who are in need. I'm watching "Return of the Planet of
the Apes", a fantacy about the mind. I think, I'm not sure, the concepts
based on the Bible about God, Jesus and the rest were imputed to me in
a Mother to child transfer. I didn't question it. I wasn't an adult. Early,
I was baptized a JW at 10, they wanted performance from me. Mostly
door-to-door proselytizing, which, while I took to, I had difficulty with later.
Maybe because I wasn't sure I was fully committed to their concepts
and I felt like I was being used. As I was thinking under the covers,
I thought, surely I asked the wrong question to the prayer group.
A psycho therapist who I learned to trust and worked with a year, she was
an intern, intimated a major obstacle to my feeling well may be my feelings
and interactions with JW's, my mom's choice of religions, after she
rejected her parent's religion.
Ran out of room on my cell phone email space allotment, apparently.
Wouldn't let me continue to enter text. Regarding being afraid, I worry
about the impact of relationship status with my contacts in life, if they
were to know who I really am and what I really think. My brother, we are
close in age and like twins, surruptitiously imprisons my mind, by
possessing the power to banish me, if I go over the edge somehow and
deny overtly the Faith he and I were given. But, what should I believe,
and why? And will it harm my existance, if I just be me.
This week I face the choice of staying here or moving on to Portland.
Things don't seem to be indicating a return South, for whatever good
reasons there are.
Flux. Bill consults his pocket Sprinter schedule at the station. He's up
early to catch the 306 out of Fallbrook to the Vista Transit Center.
He does better on his own, vs being dependent on others. He camped
in the center of a wild grass-grown field the night, across the street from
Albertsons and Starbucks and beside the Presbyterian Church. It was
a restful night. The outside of his sleeping bag collected the night dew.
He was undisturbed. "Angela, I'm taking off. I'm going to camp."
He knocks on the bedroom door to say good-bye. He gives Malcolm
and Angela a break from his intrusion into their home for 10 days.
He called Suicide Prevention and explained. He felt better. The listener
was concerned Bill was safe. He was in Portland and agreed Portland
might be a better place to be, than busy, troubled Vegas. And he liked
the idea of the mountain town of Weaverville. He told Bill, he, too, on
occasion didn't know what course of action was best. It's Monday, Bill
plans a busy day, to include Justin and the Carlsbad Senior Center.
Hi Shannon!!! Yes. I am a free spirit. Aren't I? My movements, for a long time
testify to that. It's good? Not bad? Sometimes circumstances dictate a quick,
otherwise unexpected action. Like Audie and Dennis were getting tired of me,
going to the services at the Kingdom Hall, but not getting out there and preaching,
as is their custom. I wrapped up Burnie. Dropped off the package this morning.
He's happy. He said if and when I return, he may have a home for me. Looks like
I made a friend.
When I first arrived in Portland in '07, and learned about all the strip clubs there
and that it's a Portland custom, I took it up, and got to know a lot of very nice girls.
Most are exceedingly friendly. My new therapist at North Portland Clinic, Andre said,
"Bill, that's not what you're looking for. What you need is a friend." So each week we
would discuss aspects of finding a friend. Never did. Until Holly and the Multnomah
Senior Center.
Well, at my lowest points, when something happens, like when Malcolm kept getting
on my case, I call the Suicide Prevention Line. To talk it out and short circuit any
feelings I get about ending it. Came close to throwing myself over the rail of a bridge
in Central Oregon, once. The rocks were a long way down and they would have
dispatched me nicely. I'm glad you're going to miss me. I keep writing. The Carlsbad
Senior Center has a writing group. Going to spend probably a week at least in
Northern California. May stay. It's nice country.
As I write, going through Victorville. Place of my love affair with Ruthann in 1998.
It's scary! I'm on the bus and we are going over the mountains South of Temecula,
that separate Riverside County from the land of my past, San Diego County. I have
so much history there, and I will be there in just a few minutes. I feel different.
Different than anywhere else. I'm scared!
Hi Shannon! Well I made it to San Diego. A pit stop on the way to Portland, the
object of my dreams, right now. Headed to Palomar College to exercise my vast
computer skills, not to exceed your's. Miss you already. Forgot my sleeping bag,
Audie is going to mail it. Hope it gets here before I leave, which will be next
Tuesday. I checked on an old campsite, the one with nightly intruders, and an old
bag I left was THERE! I'm going to let Malcolm call the shots. If he wants to act
like a son, okay. If not, it hurts, but I don't need him.
Bye... ...Bill
At Palomar! I get excited every time I'm here. The problems, temporarily disappear.
I can play here on the computer all day, every day, except Sunday. And tomorrow,
I get to return to the Carlsbad Senior Center*, I'm beginning to feel better.
The temperature difference(Vegas, San Diego), is enormous. Sorry. I talked to Greg,
when I walked in on the ground/basement floor here in the library. Banks and banks
of top notch computers. I asked him what it takes to be a tutor, big "FREE TUTORING"
sign on the wall. He asked me what I could do. I told him about my Math background
and that I favor Trig. He asked me if I had Computer Programming experience.
Boy do I! He asked me if my English grades are good. Yes they are. Semester's
almost over, but he may be hiring in the Fall. I know, I'm not staying. But being an
alumni is another advantage over others. He's going to email an application.
The 305 bus runs late, so I'm staying here until 9. Then head to my campsite and dream
about tomorrow.
Bye... ...Bill
I had trouble dealing. It may have been my Family split up a year and
a half earlier. But more likely my brain, which blew at 22 with full blown
paranoid schizophrenia, after I experienced love with Debbie and she
decided I wasn't for her. Mr Case, the Vice Principle at Colton High told
me in his office I was smarter than most of the school's teachers and
I could do anything in my life. I was in there asking him to assign me to
Continuation School. He said, instead I could come to classes if and when
I wanted. Didn't do it. I got a job at Angels Lumber and Hardware bringing
carts back and customer service. But it only lasted 2 months. I was really
messed up.
I made it to the Presbyterian Church. Met up with Millie, who prayed for me
Friday. Stood and followed along in the hymnal as the choir joined with the rest.
Listened to Pastors Tim and Liz. Tossed my information card filled out on
the plate. Wished the attractive girl with a ring but alone next to me in the
comfortable pew on the wall well and joined others for coffee. Everyone was
so nice. Millie said I looked nice in my blue long sleeve shirt,. The one
the Warners bought me at Goodwill for the Kingdom Hall. Lot of Bible
interpretation out there. Mainline, off shoots and far out. Don't know which way
to go. Maybe it's not important.
Angela left Malcolm. After 9 years. Her words were "You have a good job,
you will find someone." He cried 2 days and feeling better, but won't sleep
in their bed.
Dreaming about far off places in the North.
See ya... ...Bill
PS, Burnie called...
I alight from the bus and do a 360, surveying the scene for incoming missiles.
None appear, so I go forward. The populous of San Diego is a different breed
from that of Vegas. But I know there are hidden dangers, so I proceed with caution.
How is Visalia, today, Mike?
Bei...
I'm out of Vegas. Bad place. Good things there, however. Here
and there. It is unbelievable, the contrast between Vegas and other
places, like Carlsbad. The people are all sane here. Blows me over.
And I have this urge to go back to Vegas. Where is that from? Am
I afraid here, because of the past, that invades my mind, as I walk
the streets and see the places and experience the feelings. It comes
like an evil storm.
I started the ball rolling, I just have to give it time and roll with it.
The Vegas love will wane and fade and maybe disappear. I'll get to
Portland and never think about Vegas, again. Only have another short
5 years, anyway. What am I worrying about. Got to keep thinking,
go out with a bang!
What's your hiking partner's name?
Bei...
Some folk get reduced to an oak tree and a blankie. By choice or happenstance.
It is 47 in Portland at the moment. I prefer a sleeping bag and the open air,
although I do have favorite trees. A Joshua in Victorville off Happy Trails Road.
Not far from the old Roy Rodgers Museum. A Pine in Portland, and more of
a bush in Vegas. I forgot the Eucalyptus in Redlands on Texas, across from the
old Polders' church. Slept there a couple nights.
How was the hair salon experience?
Burnie is the guy I did a web page/diagrams and such for. Talked to him this AM.
He's buying a house, wants me to return to Vegas and rent a room.
Sorry re your wife's displeasure.
Bei...
Bill loves masturbating. Because it helps him cope and gives him pleasure.
But Ruthann was face down on her bed in her bedroom with the door open.
She was reading a romance novel in the early afternoon. Bill was standing
at the kitchen sink washing dishes and admiring her bare feet in the air. So
he jerked off. Ruthann and Bill did everything together for 6 months in 1998.
Except for sex. The boy's ballgames, her ballgames, trips to Janet's in
Fallbrook. Shopping, eating, movies, visiting friends, seeing her mom,
caring for the kids, sharing Coleen, the dog, Bill slept on the couch. One
very hot day Bill decided to drink a six-pack and walk into the desert as far
as he could and kill himself. He didn't. But living with Ruthann in a plutonic
relationship, without touching her and she touching him was driving him
crazy.
So that day at the sink, when Eric came in and threw his glass in the dishwater,
Bill walked out the backdoor and ran away. He took nothing, he had a t-shirt
on, and shoes and shorts. He returned 2 months later, having acquired a job
where he went, and retrieved his motor home. Ruthann told him he left at a
bad time. She had no job, no money and little food. "You should have sent
something." Bill walked to the highway that day a |